Separating the muck from the brass

After a quick briefing from one of the UK's most successful junk tycoons the teams start their weekly ritual of the group leadership interview until Zoe loses her 'happy go lucky' charisma and grasps the mantle for Venture and the so far invisible Helen reminds us she exists and steps up hoping to be the lucky mascot for the five time losers Logic. 

 

There is the usual bitchfest between the little miss perfect Melody with Natalie, Helen and any other woman that gets in her way and on the other team Zoe directs the sisterhood blowtorch at Susan for daring to question her negotiating approach which turned out to be totally misinformed in the long run but no sign of an apology anytime soon Susan. I find my self ranting at the TV at these women every week. If they are the result of over 100 years of liberation then Mrs Pankhurst I feel we owe you an apology. Thankfully, I know from experience, not all professional women behave like this just the ones that make it onto The Apprentice; an interesting point in itself?

 

Anyway, onto the task. Helen led her team well. She made a clear strategic decision to bid zero on both the contracts Sugar had lined up for them. Her high risk strategy was to hope that the value of some of the rubbish would pay for the tipping of the worthless bits and leave them with some profit. Surprisingly, the only person in her team to get hot under the collar about this was the melodious (or just plain odious) Melody but she was outvoted. And fair play to her boys Jim and Tom who provided classic entertainment as they drove up and down the residential streets of London screaming into a tannoy "Has anyone got any scrap metal today, scrap metal today". The comedy moment of the week was when Jim spotted a skip outside number 73 and screamed at them, through the tannoy, to come out and talk to him. It was reminiscent of the childcatcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang - I would not have left that house to answer his call without police protection and the promise of sleep therapy!

 

Both teams found the going tough and had to negotiate the deals then get their hands dirty and clear the crap. It was a physically demanding task, keen on logistics and negotiation and all too easy to get completely wrong which Zoe did; she misunderstood the basic premise that there is money to be made out of rubbish and could not see the point in paying the client to take away the rubbish, quite understandably she thought the deal was the other way around and sometimes it might be but when some of the rubbish has value a more strategic view is needed. Susan got this but Zoe got Susan to back down and shut up! Observing Zoe realise her mistake at the end of day one was painful. She went into emotional meltdown and whilst this, in itself, is not unforgivable the alienation of her team and lack of humility was. From this point on she seemed to give up and her garbage truck was permanently half empty.

 

So to the boardroom. It was another one of those bemused finishes where the margin between win and bust was so minuscule their was a collective intake of breath as Lord Sugar announced that Logic had won by a £6. Bless him Tom the inventor looked fit to burst as it was the first time in six weeks he was on the winning team. It seems that Helen really was a lucky charm.

 

At this point Zoe looked positively suicidal and I just wanted Sugar to put her out of her misery. Not surprisingly she brought Susan and Edna back in to face the music and her only defense strategy after admitting she made mistakes was to scream at the bewildered Susan saying at least she stepped up to be project manager. It felt a little like the playground of an all girls private school where Zoe would definitely have been top girl!  But then all of a sudden, the spotlight was redirected to Edna, in the boardroom and, on the losing team for the first time in the series, Lord Sugar questioned her input and gave her the opportunity to state her case and she made the fatal mistake, the one that signals home time, every time, game over– she dared to utter the dreaded three letter acronym that makes Sugar’s eyes bulge and his head twitch – MBA! Oh the shame of it! An educated woman! And gender is pretty irrelevant on this point many male candidates have fallen through the same trap door for daring to list their qualifications.  I knew from this point on she was history. Lord Sugar has never hidden his disregard for academia over practical hands on experience and the irony of this is that Edna is a business psychologist who should know better! Erm, mistake, huge mistake! 

 

So Zoe lives to fight another week and Susan, unfortunately in this environment, has to learn to fight; not a particularly attractive trait for any woman and so unnecessary but if you want to go into partnership with Sugar this is the path you have to take. May the force be with you!