Week 9: Room for one more at Sandhurst?

Oh. My. God. What a corking episode! If you didn't watch last night's Apprentice, my blog title may have given it away. Sorry about that, but I can hardly contain my relief. It certainly has been a long time coming. More on that later...

To this week's task! The trailer made reference to scuffles with pushchairs and grizzly faces (from the candidates, not the babies) and we weren’t disappointed. It was all about exhibition sales, this time a show for the little folk at Earl's Court. Sir Alan also mixed up the teams so Kate, Howard and Lorraine (as PM) made up Ignite while Debra, Ben and Yasmina headed by James formed the new Empire. Over the course of the two days, the teams had to choose two products to sell at the Baby Show by visiting a number of suppliers and the team that made the most wonga, blah de blah, blah.

It kicks off straight away over on Empire as Ben, appearing to channel his alter ego, Captain Squawk, starts flapping about James's 'crazy' plan to split the team into two rather than concentrate on the geographical areas that the businesses are located in. My waters tell me that Ben and Debra are going to play the disruptive pupils to James's buffoony teacher act while Yasmina keeps her nose clean and knee highs pulled up. However, James stands his ground overruling the unruly and rules that he and Yasmina are off to make their first appointment: an American lady selling blue inflatable birthing pools who seems to want to touch everyone. James displays a disconcerting knowledge of the female anatomy and despite the 2% market share (2%! Sir Alan will not be pleased) James is smitten.

Meanwhile over on Ignite, Lozza is doing handsomely managing the team. Kate and Howard seem to gel well and head off to check out some kiddie helmets which they think may be a good impulse buy. Splitting off on her own, Lorraine goes to see a folding travel pushchair, but it isn't long before she has company. Yes, The Instinct is back. Like the Candy Man, say its name three times and it's there, stronger than ever, feeding off the other candidate's irritation. It starts whispering in Lorraine's ear about the pushchair being 'The One' and before you know it; she's shaken hands with the vendor. Finally, Ignite settle on the foldy pushchair and the helmet.

Empire's first business is run by a lady selling gaudy, totally un-hilarious toddler high heels wittily called 'Heelarious': "You either love it or you hate it," quips the woman. "I've had SO MANY people who think they're just horrible, and then some people who really quite like them!" Suffice to say, Debra and Ben are not impressed and the cardboard cot (for homeless infants?) is also a no-no.

Now, I don't know about you, but much like clowns and china dolls, rocking horses definitely fall into the creepy-toy category and the sight of a mature gentleman gently rocking away on a teensy painted horse draped with hair that looks like it has been collected from an old lady that has never so much as had a trim, is a sight that will long be emblazoned on my eyeballs – of course, I do appreciate how detailed they are and clearly how skilled the maker is, but definitely the stuff of nightmares. Debra can't take her eyes off them; she seems bewitched and declares them a winner, despite the hefty £1,700 price tag; Ben looks a bit pale, I think he is also a bit disturbed by Debra's horse fetish. The twosome neglect to bargain with the vendor instead Debra stares lovingly at the horses. I fear Freud would have a few words to say about this. James is not convinced - seemingly someone has their thinking cap on, but Debra will not budge. In the end, they opt for James's birthing pool and the horse, reasoning that one sale will blow Ignite out of the water.

It's exhibition day and during set-up, Lozza spots another stand selling her pushchairs – eek! She and Kate continue to wrestle with the set-up mechanism and look like a right bunch of fools when they have to ask a passer-by who happens to have one of the pushchairs, how to get the thing up and rolling. Eventually, they seem to find their feet and both the helmets and buggies seem to be selling.

The same can't be said for Debra's rocking horse. While the birthing pools, complete with an in-depth physiology lesson from James, are shifting nicely, no one comes near the rocking horses. James suggests taking off the price tags to get a bit more interest but in these tough economic times, is it realistic to expect families who already have to shell out money on nappies and formula to cough up the best part of £2k for a scary rocking horse? Even when there is a whiff of interest from what appears to be the only wealthy person at the show, Debra blows it by threatening to come and work for him if he buys it.

Show over, it's back to the boardroom for analysis and firings. Where will the finger fall this week? Ok so you already know, but I totally thought that James and his big bloodshot eyes were off, or failing that Debra and her melty face would get the old heave ho, but Sir Alan, the twinkly-eyed devil that he is, had a surprise for us all.

Ignite, he tells us, did good. Lorraine and The Instinct led well, despite not checking with the vendor that other stands would be selling the same pushchair. I have to say, they made a good team and I think all three are in with a chance of making the final. They get the customary treat, a caricature drawn by the famous artist Gerald Scarfe, and it occurs to me that all caricatures look like how Lorraine does in real life. Weird!

Empire is the big, fat loser and Suralan wants to get down to business. He says the rocking horse was the big boob in all of this. James agrees and says too much time was spent trying to sell them and decides to bring back Debra and Ben, though, he adds that he would bring Debra in twice. Yasmina, looking smug, skedaddles out of the boardroom faster than a rat up a drainpipe.

Suralan wants to cut the bull and asks why they should stay. Now this should be a golden opportunity to reel off the amazing things they have achieved over the series, but Ben, bless his little cottons, seems to be having difficulty remembering his lines: "I am a grafter, I have proved I can muck in, I can sell, I, um, I won a scholarship to Sandhurst..." Actually I'm glad he brought that up because it gave Suralan a chance to practise his stand-up routine again. My, he's quite the comedian, even Margaret's top lip raises slightly in appreciation of the great man's quip.

Debra, he informs us, is trouble, everyone thinks she is a pain and apparently, Nick and Margaret are waging a hate campaign against her. He does labour the point somewhat, and I actually feel a bit sorry for her. She is the only one of the three who expresses valid reasons why she should stay. James says he's made of tougher stuff than Sir A gives him credit for but a kissy-kissy touchy-feely man is not what Sir A wants. It looks like James has had it, but then, the wily old coot, turns on Ben, and he knows what is coming. Yer fiyud!

Whoop, whoop! Thank god for that, eh? Ben really should have gone a few weeks ago when he was at the height of his nastiness, as he hasn't been too bad over the past two weeks. You old sly dog, you, Suralan, just when I thought that all you cared about were ratings, you go and throw us a curve ball. So now, the campaign to get rid of Debra is on!

Next week looks like telly gold – it's the QVC-style selling task (remember Simon and those trampolines?) and it looks like Lorraine's meddling instinct gets her into hot water. I can't bleedin' wait!