Lights, camera, action!

What a sad, sad day. Practically all my favourites have been fired. First it was Simon, then Sara and now Raef. But, as loathed as I am to say it, I'm actually not that surprised Sir Alan gave him the old heave ho. Never have I seen two men that are so far apart. As much as Sir Alan says he wants a good all-rounder, time and time again we see him warming to the cheeky cock-er-ny upstarts. How else can you explain his decision to keep Sophocles? I believe that Sugar felt Raef was simply too posh and in all fairness, probably couldn't understand much of what he said without a dictionary to hand.

So the task: re-brand a box of tissues, make an advert, a poster, present to the experts, yadda, yadda, yadda, saw Sir A mix up the teams as is now customary. Alex was PM for Alpha, taking control of Lucinda and Lee, while Raef rallied the troops for Renaissance consisting of Claire, Helene and Michael.

To be blunt, both Alex and Raef failed miserably at being PM. Raef's vision: to create an advert worthy of an Oscar was an empty masterpiece, a supremely flawed measure of his genius that resulted in a big fat loss; while Alex's cheesy family-fretting-over kid-with-sniffles was just painful. I for one got the impression that he just blagged his way through the whole task, never taking control and limply protesting every so often when the little woman stood out of line. Okay, so Lucinda's comments were negative, but they were also spot on. However, it concerns me that no one listens to her? Why is that? She talks so much sense (ok so the comment about creating 'gay' tissues was a little off the mark,) but she clearly sees the bigger picture.

Over on Renaissance, Raef ran off giggling with bezzie mate Michael to don cravats and play at directing, completely losing sight of the fact that he had a product to sell. Meanwhile Claire and Helene tinkered about with the designers, creating a brand-less brand called: "I Love My Tissues." Er? Say what? At least Alpha's effort: "Atishu!" was mildly amusing.

Lee was a surprise contender for me. He mediated well in the team, while soggy old Alex melted in to the background. However, his pitch in front of the audience, the experts and Sir Alan himself was excruciating.

So what did we learn? Well the candidates certainly have a shockingly poor grasp of advertising (note: Sir Alan doesn't do subtlety - had they dressed one of the team in a big box of tissues, danced about blowing their noses and singing 'big tissues are here again,' they would have undoubtedly triumphed.) We also discovered that if you put a couple of am-dram fans in front of a camera, they think they are Spielberg and you end up with a sick-making Ronan Keating song, a confused Sian Lloyd and more schmaltz than you can shake a stick at.

Finally, we now know that the great Sugar cannot be second guessed. I was convinced that Sophocles was going, particularly after he turned, Judas-like on his friend in the boardroom claiming that everything good was down to him. Never have I seen a man look so betrayed.

But as much as I love Raef, he was too posh and, well, just too nice to be the Apprentice. I will miss his hair, the twinkle in the eye, the curled lip, which looks ever so slightly like a sneer, and of course, the smoking jacket. But onwards and upwards.

Now I have heard the rumours that there will be four in the final so my prediction is this: Lucinda, Lee, Claire and Helene. If Sophocles gets in, well, I'm not too sure how I will react, but it won't be a pretty sight. And remember that next week’s show is on a Tuesday! It is a task that involves big cars that go Brrrrrrrrrrum. Oh joy.