A nation holds its breath

Oh.My.God. Ohmygod. I have gone numb after the shock I received when the winner of the Apprentice 2008 was announced last night. After 12 gruelling weeks, I was certainly not expecting that. In fact, I open the question out to the floor – did anyone see that one coming? You sly old dog, Sir A.

Over the course of the series I have moaned about shouty Claire, taken the micky out of her surprised eyebrows and poked fun at her over-bearing management technique but eventually, she did listen and take on the feedback - so much so that I thought she had this one in the bag.

But the cruel hand of fate stepped in and the proverbial £100K crown (probably cobbled together from bits of Sir A's email phone, Frances' pen and a dash of Margaret's tears) was so callously snatched away from her by a man that a) lies on his CV to cover up his own insecurities about his 'working class' background b) can't string a sentence together without adding 'Thasss what I'm talking abbaaaaahhhht' and c) does the world's most cringy pterodactyl impression. So you can see why I was surprised. In fact, although I usually watch the Apprentice on my own to maximise my concentration power, last night I had company and you should have seen the way we all leapt off the sofa when Surallun uttered those immortal words: "Lee. You’re hired!"

The final task: to create a perfume/aftershave for men in a mere three days, was quite a challenge and to make it even juicier, the old candidates, even more media savvy than before, rocked up and were promptly split into two teams headed by Lee and Clurr and Alex and Helene. Immediately I knew where my loyalties lay – I was rooting for Lee and The Rottweiler.

As anticipated, they made a formidable duo and rallied the troops. After a brainstorm, they settled on 'Roulette', a pseudo seventies casino themed aftershave that smacked to me of Hai Karate. However, I actually quite liked what they did – the bottle looked ok, the name was ok but the pitch was really good. Claire dealt with the questions about the negative connotations associated with gambling admirably and Lee didn't go to pieces like that sneaky trailer had led us to believe, despite looking like he was about to burst a blood vessel in the preamble to the presentation. The kids did good. I will, however, overlook the tacky jugglers on this occasion and put it down to a moment of madness.

However, the same cannot be said for Alex and Helene who tore strips out of each other, dithered about the name and brand of their product, didn't really gel with their team and were pretty much at loggerheads from start to finish. The scent, called 'Dual' looked to me like the sort of cheap shower gel you palm off on your dad for Christmas but it was a neat concept – a smaller removable bottle to take out in your man-bag - that is until it was revealed that the designer came up with it, not the Apprentices. Sir Alan was not amused.

The pitch was ok and the concept was good, and some big wig perfume fella seemed pretty keen on the whole idea until someone went and ruined it by mentioning the cost of manufacturing the damn thing.

After lots of talk about margins and production costs, it was decided that there was absolutely no point in creating this wonder perfume as no one would make a penny and to make matters worse, the UK's male population would smell of chocolate and curry (apparently). So that was that. Ta ta to Alex – who blubbed like a big old girl, and Helene who took it like a man – a man with balls.

That narrowed it down to two. The bookies favourite, Claire and the nation’s favourite, Lee. Sir Alan seemed hesitant, flipping back and forth between the two – Claire: noisy and bossy but great and good at selling and presenting. Lee: cheeky and charming and good at selling but not so good at presenting. Decisions, decisions.

And then it happened. Lee won. And my heart packed in from the shock.

So it's farewell to the Apprentice for another year – oh we have had some fun, haven't we? Those silly young business geniuses kept us entertained. Despite there being much in the media about how the programme has become a reality show and has lost its serious business edge, it has shown us all how not to do it. And rumour has it; the winner is going to clinch a great job working for Essex council. So next time you pop in to pay your council tax, say hi from me!!

Until next year...goodbye.